Paulit-ulit-ulit-ulit

Pagpasensyahan mo na kung hindi ako natutong humingi ng tawad sa bagay na obyus namang mali. Gagawin ko pa kasi ulit yun pagdating ng panahon.

Yung pagtatarantado ko eh dulot lang ng hindi ko pagtanggi sa mga pagyayaya.

Gumawa na din ako ng kasalanan, kaya sinulit ko na. Sinagad ko na haggang umaga.

Sorry. Alam ko namang mali yung ginawa ko na nangako at hindi tumupad.

Sakit ko na yun dati pa.

At hindi ko na siya kayang gamutin. Legga Più...

Change

X: Hindi ka pa din nagbabago!
Y: Mabuti nga't hindi eh. Kung nagbago ako, malamang nagkatuluyan pa tayo.



Legga Più...

Shout For Joy

Yan ang hindi ko magagawa sa mga oras na ito.

Una, walang joy para sumigaw ako.
Pangalawa, wala na akong lakas para makasigaw.

Katulad ng marami nang beses na pagbagsak ng mundo ko dahil sa mga nakikita ko sa paligid, eto nanaman ngayon ang isang rason para tanggalan ko ng karapatan ang isipan ko na makapag-isip ng matiwasay sa araw-araw.

Sinisimulan ko pa lang nang dahan-dahan ang buhay ko. Para lang ulit akong batang nag-aaral maglakad, magbasa, at matuto ng mga bagay-bagay. Inaaral ko pa lang ang paligid ko, tinuturuan ko pa lang ang sarili kong mahalin ang pagkakataon na handog sa akin ng tadhana.

Mukhang kailangan ko na lang tumingin sa malayo at pigilan ang mabilis na pagdaloy ng mga ideyang hindi kaaya-aya sa isip ko.

Hindi ko alam kung nakakatulong ba sa akin yung nakaupo lang ako sa bubong ng bahay namen tapos nakatingin sa direksyon kung san nandon ang bahay niyo.

Siguro nga, ganon na lang. Dapat na lang akong makontento don. Kasi hanggang dun na lang ang kaya ko. Matagal na akong walang karapatan para magdamdam sa nakikita ko. Kung meron man akong karapatan, tatanggalin ko na lang muna.

Tsk. Kaya ayaw kong nagiging stalker na nagbubungkal ng kung ano-anong account. Mabilis lang akong tatanda sa sama nang loob na ako lang din naman ang may gawa para sa sarili ko.

Legga Più...

May Tama Din Ako

Kanta ni JR Siaboc yan. Jay-R. Jeiyarr.

Kung paano man ang spelling niyan, ang kanta niyang yan ang hinding-hindi ko makakanta.

"You're not helping".

Okay.

Hindi ako matulunging tao. Aminado ako. Hindi ko napapaganda ang sitwasyon. Sinisira ko ito't nilalamukos na parang isang bagong bond paper na kakahugot lang sa ream na kakadeliber lang sa opisina.

Pero sino ba naman kasi ang gustong tumulong sa sitwasyon na kung saan kailangan mong putulin ang ugnayan mo sa isang tao?

Ako, ayaw ko ng tumutulong. Tapos ang usapan.

Hindi ako nakikinig. Oo, ikalawang totoong bagay na nabasa mo dito sa blog na yan.

Lumaki akong sutil at suwail. May sarili akong mundo't autistic kong maiituring ang sarili ko.

Sumusunod ako para sa ikagaganda ng mga bagay, na hindi naman din talaga gaganda kahit sundin ko.

Hindi ako nakikinig. Oo, hindi ako nakikinig at hindi ako sumusunod. Panalong-panalo para sa skillset ko ang dalawang katangiang ito.

Pero gaano ka ba kasiguradong 100 percent na maaayos ang lahat kung papakinggan kita? Bakit hindi muna natin subukan ang suhestiyon ko para saka mo na lang ako pagalitan kapag hindi umubra.

At least napatunayan naten na 100 percent ngang tama ang bagay na gusto mong pakinggan ko.

Unti-unti na akong bumibitaw sa pangarap ko.

Sana kahit kalingkinan ko eh maisabit ko pa bago ako tuluyang bumitaw at mahulog sa tunay na mundo.

Ang mundo ng katotohanan na mamatay akong nag-iisa sa buhay, nakabaluktot sa ilalim ng puting kumot, at lumuluha ang mga mata.

Legga Più...

Happy Pills

Brace yourself.

My favorite thing to say to myself, each time I want to see your page.

I need to be ready all the time. Ready for anything that will break my heart.

It's like Titanic's crew - doomed to perish, destined to die.

On your page, is just the same thing. I wanted to see you, and I always wish that there isn't anything blatantly bullshit on your page if I decide to do it.

But no, it's definitely there.

The stage is set for all the statements that can make me miserable.

Every little detail on the things that I don't like to know.

On what is in store for my puny mind to comprehend.

On what is my cold, senseless, and broken heart is about to undergo once I see the page load up.

Grand fuck. I have to stop doing this. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I am a daredevil as you may say. I want danger. The danger of being insane because of so much failure.

Because of the opportunities that I've just wasted. Of all the expectations that I have crumpled and burned to ashes.

Thank you. At least for asking how I am.

I don't care if that came from your heart or if it's sincere or not. I thank you so much for that simple three words of compassion that you've given me.

Really, I do thank you. Without any sarcasm, I want you to know how appreciative and glad I am that you've given a damn of how I am right now.

Do not deny me of my opinion.

Maybe you just did that to get a decent reply from me. Perhaps you've realized that your heartless and hateful questions won't get any respectful answers from me. No, scratch that. You won't get a single reply from me.

Perhaps you've thought that if you did it with more heart, then you'll get something from me.

I don't know. I am sorry for these lingering thoughts in my mind.

You might think that I am mad. No I am not. I am just devastated.

Heartbroken.

Yeah, that's the exact word.

I didn't quite understood everything. To tell you the truth, I did not understand anything. All of it. Not one bit.

All I know is that I take credit for this. For the fall of everything.

It happened at the time where I was just setting everything up. It's just like I'm this pathetic little ant trying to gather all the grains for the coming storm. And yet the storm came to soon.

The storm with all the very good credentials. All the things you want.

Dedicated.
Precise.
Respectable.
Plan-oriented.
Established.
Decent.
Optimistic.

Well, this storm is perhaps what you've been waiting for in your life. This storm is what you needed. This storm is what blew you away from my tiny little world that I was just starting to build.

Never mind. I'll go and gather all the grains myself. Perhaps someday, I'll be like, the ruler of my own ant empire.

And I'll be taking you back from that storm that took you away from me. To be my queen.

Yeah. Someday. Fucking someday. I wonder when that will be?

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, for the sincere/insincere question of how I am.

Always take care.

Happy pills. I need tons of them please.

Legga Più...

Post for Retards

This is ridiculous.
Tiresome at this point.
Let me insult myself for being insensitive for the entirety of my life being with you.
Let me shut myself up, my ego, and the whole clowning around for showing you the different faces of pain.
Let me take myself away from you, from your world, to protect you from any other harm that this cold and evil heart will deliver you.

We don't always talk. I can sleep soundly at night.
And when we talk, we argue.
And then, I couldn't give myself even a wink of peaceful slumber.

You are not blamed. And it is I who is responsible.
Let me finish this. Let me give you what you need.
A decision.
A result.
Someone who you knew a long time ago.

But that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Legga Più...

Funny, Intelligent, and Nice

Hey Blog,


Hey, how are yah? Oh, I have something for you...

There, ruminate, reflect, and destroy yourself on that piece of online parchment from someone's tumblr account.

It didn't even include good-looking. You just can't have the best in life, even if they're free.

*SIGH*

It's a great time to go Rens Sese.

I hate my life or at least most parts of it.

I hate this setup. I have to work on it real soon. Legga Più...