Sunday, August 10, 2008

Words

Devastated. That's what I am. At this moment. Until when? Perhaps tomorrow.

I can't blame anyone else. I've been like this ever since. Always finding fault in my very own self.

If I can blame every thing bad that happens to the world everyday, well I guess I will.

But I can't since I am too busy blaming myself for letting people think that they are stupid.

It's a very sad and shocking thing to be slapped into your face.

"Thanks for making me feel stupid tonight."

It's just a painful feeling like no other. You try to take care of a peaceful, well, and smooth sailing relationship with a person and next thing you know you've fucked up every good thing about it for just not speaking up.

Words play a very essential part on our everyday lives. You try to sell things with it, you try to pass your schooling with it, you help someone from not committing suicide with kind words you utter and you base your religion on it.

You make someone fall in love for you with it, and then at the same time you take away all those love with the very same words from your mouth.

I am a talkative person but I seldom speak of what I have in my mind. Whenever it comes to comical juices and probably sleazy stuff, my mind is a heavy gush of water. Words flow out as if they're bullets ready to be fired out. They line up one by one on a single stream of sentences.

It's not easy being serious when it comes to words.

Sometimes they just wouldn't come out when your supposed to say it.

And it's not always what you've said. Sometimes it's what you haven't said that destroys the plot.


= = = = = =

I guess this is where it's going to start
This is where your time will soon fade
And memories of me will be blown away
Piece by piece by the winds of dismay
It is painful that whatever genuine feeling
That you're trying to convey
Is only taken for as fake
I never wished for it to be that way
For whenever you do not speak
Or when you have no thought
Of what to say and when to say it
Will be taken as an act of maliciousness
Ready to consume you
Willing to devour you
And forever place a dark mark
In your heart and mind

People of course are not the same. Some may settle for being quiet and some may demand explanations. Unfortunately some people would take it negatively if they did not hear what they should hear from you. When in your case, you can't say anything because you just can't. For no reason at all, you just can not give what they want to hear.

I am lost. I am broken. If it had to end up this way, or if it will end this way. It pains me to even think that I have wronged a peaceful relationship with someone.

= = = = = = = = =

Masakit para saken kung dito na lang matatapos to. Na nakagawa ako ng ganun kabigat na kasalanan. Na nagkaron na pala ng ganung damdamin sa mga ipinapakita ko. Na nakapagbubunga na pala ako ng ideya ng pakikipagplastikan.

Mahirap. Masaklap. Pero hindi ko yata ito maiipaintindi.

Oo nga at walang ni isang porsyento ng pagiging tama ang hindi pagsasalita sa oras na hiningan ka ng paliwanag at magiging dahilan para magmukhang tanga ang isang tao.

Mahirap sa damdamin. Kailangan na yatang umiwas. Lumayo.

Kung ito na nga ba ang senyales, dahilan, o kung ano pang rason na hinahanap ng pagkakataon para lumisan ka, puwes heto nga't hinaharap ko na.

Akala ko magkakaroon pa ako ng pagkakataon na makasama ka.

Kung ganito na pala kabigat ang kasalanan ko sayo sa hindi lang pagsasalita, paano pa kaya sa mga susunod na pagkakataon? Kung meron pa nga.

Patawarin mo ako kung nagmukha kang tanga.

Mahirap para sa akin ang magsalita. Lalo pa't magsalita ng seryoso. Hindi ko ito maiipaintindi sa lahat ng tao.

Tumitirik ang utak ko kapag hinihingan ako ng paliwanag.

Pero masaklap ito.

Isusuko ko na lang sa oras at panahon.